Message from Dr. Ed Taub

Dear North,

Jerome Groopman, M.D., a Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School, recently shared an incident in The New England Journal of Medicine about his patient Anna, who was on the oncology ward. Anna asked him to pray to God with her. The good doctor considered the fact that none of his training in medical school or medical practice had taught him how to reply to Anna. He began wondering whether doctors should engage religion and spirituality in the lives of their patients and in their own lives as clinicians. Mostly he wondered whether there is any place for God at the bedside of hospitalized patients.

Facing Anna, he searched for a response and reminded himself that when he wears the white coat of a physician, whatever he says or does should be for the benefit of the patient. He contemplated the fact that although the issue of prayer and healing had captured the public’s imagination, the published research was inconclusive. Unsure of what words were appropriate, he asked Anna, “What is the prayer that you want?” “Pray to God to give my doctors wisdom,” Anna replied. To that, the doctor silently echoed, “Amen.” So do I.

Plato defined Medicine as merely part of the speech of God. I agree. Which is why I believe our health is much too important to be left up to science, but also much too important to be unscientific about. It's apparent that your wisdom led you to create a wonderful combination of both worlds, and for that you have my admiration. St. Augustine wrote that miracles never contradict nature; they only contradict what we think we know about nature. After more than 4 decades in Medicine, I know God can do anything, including making miracles. But in all my years in Medicine, I've surely never encountered the degree of wisdom, courage and steadfastness that you've exhibited before and since your surgery.

You are indeed changing the world: The World Almanac Company will be publishing my just finished book, which is co-authored by a Nobel Laureate in Medicine; thanks to you, our book will be imbued with more of the sense and spirit of all of the above.

Finally, you shared some of your soul's deepest yearnings with me a few weeks ago, so by reading every day about your post-operative course, I know you are already healed way beyond what most human beings ever achieve.

With Warmest Regards,

Edward A. Taub, M.D.

P.S. In response to the urgent pleas for financial help from the Darkfish men, I feel honored to participate in your life via the simple, painless path of sending a check to the Union Bank account mentioned in Tom Breen's and Bob Harrison's recent notes.

Affirmation

The following is from a dear friend. May these words echo in our hearts every day. Barry Neville

Affirmation

May you have a blessed Thanksgiving Day

Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of
my life, .... ever

There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did!
And because I did ..... I'm going to celebrate!
Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so
far:
..... the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships ... because they have served to make me stronger.

I will go through this day with my head held high and a happy
heart.
I will marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts:
the morning dew,
the sun,
the clouds,
the trees,
the flowers,
the birds.

Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.
I'll make someone smile.
I'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for
someone I don't even know.

Today, I'll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. I'll tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love ... just
how deeply I care for them and how much they mean to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don't have and start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me. I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and his Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.

And tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the
heavens. I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise God for these magnificent orders, magnitude, measures, and treasures.

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow,
I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life.
And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because
I know tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life all over again..

Health, Light, and Delicious Laughters
In Oneness with ALL
Dr. mOhsen

A musical moment and miracle men

North - Norman - My North Star... a man so moved by love and purpose; by his intimate relationship with Divine Presence, that those of us who love him, and those of us just hearing of him for the first time, are in complete awe.
And "Cousin Dan" (with a southern twang as I like to call him)... a gift as much to me as his beloved life-long friend. I am at a loss for words to express the incredible depth of my appreciation and adoration. These two Southern boys have filled my heart and rocked my world and I AM SO GRATEFUL!!!
So, with so many stories and details to share from this journey, one has risen above the rest and inspired me to write this morning. The three of us shared a moment yesterday, inspired by music from the Agape Choir. My all time favorite agape song is "I Had a Revelation". I shared it with North just a few weeks ago on our retreat in San Diego and we sat on the couch and cried with the power and truth of the lyrics and the passion of the voices and song.
Once he settled into his new room on the scaled down ICU care floor, I offered to play some music and he chose that CD. A few songs into it, Dan and I are sitting quietly beside the bed because North is SOOOO tired, and that song comes on. The lyrics go something like this... "I had a revelation one day when I was in prayer. I had a revelation and I became so aware that God loves me and needs me too and that's why I am alive, why I'm alive, why I'm alive. Had a revelation my love for God was ever so true, I discovered God loves me and needs me too. Now I know why I'm alive..."
Whoah, makes me cry just to read those words. Now... I look up at North and he is flushed with emotion and tears are coming from his eye and he suddenly pumps his arm passionatly along with the music and points at us. As the song says "I had a revelation" he points at the area where his right eye used to be and says as best he can, "My Revelation." Then points back at us and at Dan, who trys to focus on the CD holder to not come out of his skin with the emotion of it all, and North demands his attention and together we all look at one another and sing along and let the tears flow uninhibited.
So we all three HAD A REVELATION.. in that moment we changed yet again to a deeper level of love and living, and of understanding, purpose and bondedness. I think we all felt at a new level that God does indeed love and need us and that we are intensly blessed.
Namaste' to all of you who chose to share this life with us. Love is larger than anything else and I am glad we are alive.
Stef

Please no visitors for the time being...

A message from North and Stef (delivered to me by Wil)

North has been moved to a private room. He is beginning to talk and is healing quickly. It's conceivable that he may be going home within the next week.

Though North and Stef have been so appreciative of your gracious outpouring of love and support, they have requested no visitors at the hospital. It's just too much right now.

Once North is back home, he and Stef look forward to arranging to have you come by for a visit.

Otherwise, if there is something urgent that comes up, please contact Jenny by E-mail or her cell phone.

On behalf of North & Stef, Thank you.

Sketchy Update

Wil just called saying he heard from Jenny. Wil asked me to post this on the Blog as a brief update for now. The info I have is somewhat sketchy and second hand.

Apparently after North's surgery last night, they needed to bring him back into surgery to repair an area that was causing some blood loss. This was successful. As I understand, North is back in ICU / Recovery and is stable. He is not concsious yet and does not know the extent of his surgery.

Also, for the time being, please do not call Stef. She needs phone lines free to be in contact with family members. Please keep tuned here and use this Blog. Send your thoughts and wishes for North's strength in his recovery and the challenges yet before him.

If you have additional information, please feel free to email it to me or click the "comments" link below. I'll be happy to provide update postings. In the meantime, I'll be gathering more information.

Keep praying.

Joel

UPDATED FREQUENT QUESTIONS- Address, Status, etc.

Stef, here. We realize that information is getting scattered in the Blog. Here is an UPDATE on most everything. This posting will be reposted from time to time as status changes. Just so you know, if you don’t, I am North’s life mate of four years. He has asked that I support him in keeping everyone up on the details of his progress. As things unfold and time and healing permit he is keeping a separate journal at http://northsjournal.blogspot.com/


.

DATE AND LOCATION OF SURGERY
Thursday March 23, 2006  8:15 to 6:15 at UCI Medical Hospital in Orange California. The surgeons are Dr. William Armstrong- Head and Neck and Dr. Greg Evans- Reconstruction


COMMUNICATION
We’ll keep posting details on this Blogsite. Please know
that we cannot possibly answer all the calls and email we are receiving, but we do read your comments and read our email with great gratitude. It is best to email us, because we need to keep our phone lines open and our cell phone minutes manageable. mckinnon@cox.net and
steph@YourOrganizingAngels.com

For those who have asked, our home address is
257 Avenida Madrid #A
San Clemente, CA 92672

HOW YOU CAN HELP
We need help and positive thoughts. Its that simple. We have
a small group of very close friends that are joining with us to help identify what is needed and how to coordinate information and offers of support. With North unable to work as he has, our income picture at this point is very uncertain. The business I co-own with Jenny LeBel, Organizing Angels- A Professional Organizering Company, is our primary source of income for the foreseeable future. We
are really tightening our belts while knowing the perfect level of abundance is always provided.
If your are so moved, a bank account has been set up for donations. Mail Anonymous Donations To:

Union Bank Of California Post Office Box 54403 Los Angeles,
CA 90054-0403 Make Checks Payable To:
Stephanie A Swink (or North McKinnon). Attach a sticky note requesting the
check be deposited to: Account 0471331421

WHAT IS NORTH'S SITUATION?
The official diagnosis is a lesion in his right sinus that has suffered damage from squamous carcinoma cells. In a word, North has Cancer. It is an invasive aggressive cancer tumor that is poorly differentiated. That means its behaves very primitively... growing through and over everything. It also means that it is responsive to treatment. It has jumped to a lymph node that makes it accessible to the blood stream. Right now his immune system is working well and keeping it at bay. The lymphs and sinus cavity will be removed to dramatically reduce the cancer from spreading. Radiation and chemotherapy will reduce the chances even further. Then it will be a matter of months and years as he makes his recovery.

WHAT IT IS NOT?
This is not an ending of North’s life. It is not system wide. It is not a time to worry and wail.

WHAT IS IT?
It is a Type III cancer due to the aggressive nature of the cancer and the fact it has jumped to a lymph node. It can be removed and then
treated with follow-on cancer therapy. This is a beginning into a new level of consciousness and awareness of Love expressed in our relationship and life. His work life will be interrupted for at least 2-3 months and following that for several more as the radiation and chemotherapy is experienced. The full recovery time will be 8-9 months.

WHERE IS THE CANCER?
The cancer is a maxillary sinus cancer. It is tumor that
started in his right sinus cavity, extends down into his upper back jaw,
through his right face up to just on the edge of his right eye orbit (socket).
It is on the back side of the outer sinus area, so it is not visible. Hence it
is the type that is hard to detect. For more information, please see the
attached links. It has jumped to a lymph node under his right jaw line and is likely to be in a few others. IT IS NOT ANYWHERE ELSE.


CAN YOU DONATE BLOOD?
Not directly, but you can donate and ask that the donation
be sent to replenish his withdrawal from the blood bank at UCI Medical.

Our Income Plans/Needs

I just want to express some intentions Stef and I are holding for our future finaces. We are still facing immediate needs, but are thinking ahead.

Many of you have asked about our income situation. The medical team says recovery is going to be 6-9 months. I intend to create income in whatever way I can during that time, but I need YOUR support. Resources Global Professionals, my employer for temporary engagements, has been wonderful in supporting me as all this unfolded. They are anxious for my recovery and return. In the mean time, I can earn bonuses for new employee referrals and projects. Please check out their site to the right and let me know if YOU have a lead. (They are a top rated Forbes global temporary professional staffing company for accounting, HR, IT, SOX audits,supply-chain and legal needs). The bonus payouts are very generous.

Stef and Jenny have managed to grow their business, "Organizing Angels", in the midst of all this chaos. (Another proof positive, THEY ARE EARTH ANGELS!)

Please see their web site in the link list to the right. Our shared intention is that it will grow substantially to support all three of us. I also intend to create an E-Bay store affiliated with their work - Matter of Seconds- selling used items that their clients want to release. I have already done a test auction with success. We will be annoucing a joint Spring Cleaning Promotion soon. We could use YOUR support with any referrals for moving or home organizing.

Thank You,
North

North"s Journal

Please note I have created a separate blog site for my personal journey updates. You'll find the link to the right. This is a step in my learning how to get out of the way and let God/dess take control. Thanks to all for what you are doing. And to Stef for such beautiful words. below.

Surgery Date and a few thoughts from Stef

Wow. What a truly amazing and incredible journey we have embarked upon. Throughout the intensity of emotions and shock, doctor appointments and phone calls, North and I find ourselves in entirely new territory. It is unfamiliar - filled with all sorts of things to scare the wits out of us, but honestly, even more things to amaze and touch us, such as the outpouring of love, caring and support coming from literally every direction.
Cancer. A word so loaded with emotional reaction that many, including myself until recently, do all they can to avoid even saying it. But cancer is not the most powerful force in this situation. Yes, hearing the word and that "IT" was found in my sweethearts body, along with all the information about how it will be dealt with medically, nearly laid me flat. More than once. BUT.... I/we have found the strength to remain standing and face this.
ANd so much of that strength has come from a community made up of phenomenal family and friends, even miraculous strangers. Through the web of people we both are blessed to know over the years, and the gif tof the Internet, literally thousands of people, reaching around the world, have responded to requests for prayers and support.
Now THAT, added together with things like courage, conviction, connection, LOVE, faith, wonder, synchronicity and surrender (to a higher power - God, the Angels, the Universe); I feel that not only is North experiencing miraculous healing, but all who know of him and us are healing too. I say we just let this experience and the power of love and prayer serve to transform ALL of us. Let his diagnosis and healing process serve to awaken all of us to an awareness of something larger and more beautiful than the mundane things we allow to cloud our life experience. Let us all be more available to witness the miracles of synchronicity and connectedness that go on around us every day. THAT is how we help one another, and how we help ourselves.
I am glad I felt inspired to write tonight. This blog is a bit longer than I anticipated but so be it - my heart needs to get it out!
But now down to some logisitcs - such as surgery date. North goes in to UCI medical center on Thursday morning, March 23rd at 6 am. The surgery begins at 8 and, depending on a few variables (like how much the tumor has shrunk because of all the contiual prayers and visualizations - *hint, hint*), the surgery could take up to 12 hours. He will spend a few days in ICU, several more in a regular room and then comes home after about 10 days or so.
To all of you who have asked how you can help, there will be all sorts of new opportunities coming up to accept your offers in the coming weeks. Please keep visiting this site and check your e-mails as I'll probably send out quick updates or urgent requests if needed.
And for those who have asked, and anyone else inspired to help in any way, (food, errands, flowers, cards, and any financial donations, etc.) we continue to be humbly grateful and greatly moved by your generosity. (What a lesson in the power of receiving and accepting support!) Our home address is
North McKinnon and Steph Swink
257 Avenida Madrid, Unit A
San Clemente, CA 96272
THANK YOU A THOUSAND TIMES TO ALL OF YOU!!! And many hugs of gratitude to Joel for his invaluable help today with a new phone and my quircky computer. And to the rest of the core gang of angels so actively involved in setting things up to help us through this challenging time and the months ahead. You know who you are and we love you SOOOO much!
Namaste' and much love,
Stef

Update from Bob 3-6-06

Ok Gang my first attempt at an update, well actually my second as the first one got lost which is not enhancing my mood. :)

Over the last few days...The following has transpired.

Lawrence worked on North's car. Cool

Fran has generously offered to help with housework...a plan of action needs to be developed this week.

Nick has ordered, as promised, a juicer, should arrive by Wednesday.

Joel has ordered a 5.8 ghz phone, and offered to help with PC problems.

I have been contacted with offers of financial help, and a request for a way to contribute anonymously, so Jim and I are working a suitable vehicle to accept such donations.

Tom Breen has contacted the landlord about arrangements to help cover rent. He also has managed to gather some cash donations already that he will deliver this week, as well as some clothing in response to North's call for clothing of the 32" variety.

Diane has offered to help in our efforts to develop a fund raising event. She is a professional storyteller.

Shelia is working on insurance issues, and with John on state and federal programs that may be available to help.

Aimee has offered to help on the office reorganization project, and is available on Tuesday and Thursday evening and next Saturday.

Did I miss anyone? Sorry

Ok now for new needs

North needs help posting stuff on eBay, as a way to raise cash. He has set up an eBay store, which may need some refineing, but mostly he needs helping photographing and managing his inventory of stuff he wants to move.

We are also looking for temporary lodging for relatives that may come to help out after North's operation. More later as I get a handle on when and who.

Ok all for now.

Ho

Bob

Immediate Needs List

Okay, now for an immediate list of help they can use...

1. Stef's computer has crashed and she needs someone to look at it. (Joel B. Offered to look at it - need to set up a half hour w/ Stef to see what needs to happen on it)
2. North needs someone to help him organize his office. (Jenny requests that you contact her regarding helping North organize his office)
3. North's car needs attention, burnt out headlight, and leaking oil. (I believe Lawrence A. was availabe for this?)
4. Steph's car apparently exhibits a loud what she calls belt whine when cold. (Lawrence A. again perhaps?)
5. They need help to review the current cell plan they are on as in it's current configuration, and given all the calls they are getting, is costing too much. (I suggested T-moble or upping their current minutes plan - any other ideas???)
6. North has lost a lot of weight, and would welcome pants in the W32L30 range. (Bob H said he thinks he has have some of those left over from his pre-retirement days)
7. They are in need of an additional 5.8 ghz cordless phone to operate their second line, and that won't interfere with Steph's Wireless internet connection. (Joel B. has taken care of this)
8. North needs some accounting help from someone as he and his business partner determine next steps with Parnassus business.
9. Tom W. and Barry N., Bob H. sent Tom the name and contact information for their landlord, and told North you would be working with him regarding rent. Keep Bob H. informed as to what can be done and for how long etc.
   
   Well that about sums it up other than they are in short term need of cash.

We will continue to explore ways to raise capital through some kind of charitable contribution event, and through the churches, but anything any one can do in the mean time would help.

Sheila recently went to the grocery store and dropped of a boat load of stuff which helped them immediately. (Thank you Sheila) They could also use some help with domestic chores like house cleaning etc. (please coordinate with Jenny) as they are left with little time and or energy what with all the doctor visits, etc.

John T, as you work on getting them information about Medicaid and Social Security benefits available, can you also involve Shelia? She apparently has some knowledge in this area as well and wants to co-ordinate efforts to get it done. (Sheila replied today and states she will be working with North on his insurance)

If you able to help out, please post a response to the above list and or coordinate with Bob H. or Joel B. and we will coordinate with North and Stef.

Thank you for your help.

Please reply by clicking "comments" below.

Stef n' me

Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support. This site will be our way of keeping you updated and informed about Stef's and my on-going needs and my pilgramage to complete recovery from sinus cancer. To the right are a few links that will help you learn more... such as about this cancer and the hospital where I'll be going. Plus, I have shared sources of information that lighten my journey. This sight will be shared by Stef and a few guest bloggers to inform and hopefully inspire you to help fill up uncertainty with Joy and Love in our lives... as well as you own.

Life is uncertain. Sometimes, events and situations unfold in front of us with wonderful learning opportunities or lessons. Then other times we're simply handed an experience that can have no rational explanation, except that it becomes the catalyst for reunification and revelation. I have a situation that I see as the latter. The uncertainty of "why me"; or "what did I do to deserve this?" and "what next?" can become so easily filled with doubt and fear. Our media and the majority of social institutions are all geared for the "worse case" scenario. So naturally, we tend to think that way too. I am choosing to see and experience this dance with cancer as soul growth.

STATUS as of Thursday 3/2/06
Thanks to the tireless efforts of Stef, I quickly moved through various tests including CTs, blood and PET body scans, MRI and and talking with specialist. The Head and Neck Doctors' office told us that they never had recieved all the tests at once. We feel a miracle was experienced in the way everything came together and we know that miracles continue to unfold. We get the final Tumor Board plan tomorrow, but right now it looks like I am facing a rare and complicated surgery that will take a full day. I will have a 7 to 14 day hospital stay (half in ICU) This will be followed by 6-8 weeks of recovery and then 6-8 weeks of chemotherapy and radiation.

We received the first pathology report nine days ago. That same day I was in the final stages of negotiating a wonderful new job. Because of the situation the job has been put on hold. Now, Stef and I are facing so much uncertainty, that we have made the choice to face it consciously. We can react out of this with fear and protection or we can use this as an opportunity to grow. We are asking all that we know to honor our experience with this uncertainty as an opportunity for Love to express itself. Please join us in filling the abyss of uncertainty with Joy and Love. Even in your own lives, we ask that you see any unexpected challenge you face as one to make a choice of shifting your perception of worse case to a "Love Case". I can promise you that a miracle will occur.

Just as enjoying music, dance and rhythm is an emergent experience of Oneness, Know, that I am seeking to become resilient in this new rhythm. I have faith that the dance will be short, but the experience will forever change my life and Stef's for the highest good. I believe that it would serve all that know us as well. By that, I mean it will bear witness to the connectedness we all share... the Oneness of our existence here. No matter how you may conceptualize "It" I am convinced that the vibration of Life is ever present, available and expressed by Love. All we have to do is go within ...and the deeper I go, the more my Faith grows.

Thank you so very much for your Love and Prayers. They are manifesting in a multitude of ways.

Much Love,

North

What's Going On?

WHAT IS MY SITUATION?
The official diagnosis is a lesion in my right sinus that has suffered damage from squamous carcinoma cells. In a word, I have Cancer. It is an invasive aggressive cancer that is poorly differentiated. That means its behaves very primitively... growing through and over everything. It also means that it is responsive to treatment.

WHERE IT IS?
The cancer is a maxillary sinus cancer. It is tumor that started in my right sinus cavity, extends down into my upper back jaw, through my right face up to just on the edge of my right eye orbit (socket). It is on the back side of the outer sinus area, so it is not visible. Hence it is the type that is hard to detect. For more information, please see the attached links. It has jumped to a lymph node under my right jaw line and is likely to be in a few others. IT IS NOT ANYWHER ELSE.

WHAT IT IS NOT?
This is not an ending of my life.

WHAT IS IT?
This is a beginning into a new level of consciousness and awareness of Love expressed in Stef's and my relationship in my life.

HOW YOU CAN HELP
We need help and positive thoughts. Its that simple. We have a small group of very close friends that are joining with us to help identify what is needed and how to coordinate information and offers of support. More details will be forthcoming on this Blogsite. In the meantime, know that we cannot possibly answer all the calls and email we are receiving, but we do listen to your messages and read our email. It is best to email us, because we need to keep our phone lines open and our cell phone minutes manageable.