North's Life Celebration and Service Information

Hello and warm blessings of peace and thanks to everyone who loves and supports us. For some I imagine this blog may be the first time news of North's (or Norman McKinnon's) passing has reached you. If so, please read the blog below this one for clarity and comfort about what took place last Saturday, August 11th.

Obviously this is a strange and indescribable time for us. It is difficult beyond words to assimilate this change. We keep saying to each other how surreal it is. Zach and North's mom Mary and his brother Bruce are here at our home with me and we are all doing amazingly well. His other brother Bill and his wife Alison will arrive on Thursday and Cousin Dan on Friday. Having eachother and allowing the space for each of us to be and feel whatever is there is so helpful. Also, the love, help, e-mails, prayers and phone calls from friends and family continually sustain us, as does the great love we all still feel in our own way from North/Norman.

A Celebration of Life/Memorial Service will be held for Norman (North) Arnold McKinnon III this Saturday, August 18th, 2007 at the Costa Mesa Senior Center at 1:00pm. The address is 695 West 19th Street, Costa Mesa, CA 92627. All who have been touched and inspired by his journey in any way are welcome and encouraged to attend.

In honor of the life and inspiration of this great and courageous man, memorial donations can be made to the McKinnon Healing Fund. These donations will be gratefully collected and distributed to various charitable organizations at the creative discretion of his son, Zach. He is proud of and looking forward to this opportunity to share the power and love of his father with the world in this way. (Please note the donation is a memorial one.)
These donations can be made three ways:
- Checks made out to the McKinnon Healing Fund and mailed to our home address of 257 Avenida Madrid, unit A, San Clemente, CA 92672
- They can be sent directly to the bank account (info at top of blog page)
- Or they can be made with a credit card through PayPal from our www.northandstef.org website

Those who wish to send flowers can have them delivered to our home OR the senior center for the service. If the latter, it has been requested they be delivered at or soon after 11:00 am on Saturday.

Now that the logistics are over, at least for the moment, a note from my heart to share...
Our beautiful white dove seems to sing at just the right moments, when my grief or tension or overwhelm threaten to take over. I also feel gentle reminders from my sweet husband. I feel my shoulders draw back and hear him asking me, as he did one week ago today, to keep my shoulders back and to keep being courageous for him and he would be for me. And I see him in my mind that night at the hospital when he made his fingers move in a walking motion (like the yellow pages ad) and then wrote on a piece of paper as he looked at me... "One step at a time love."

That is all any of us can do and the only thing that keeps me going these past several days... Thank you my husband. I feel the love so strongly in my heart, both for you and from you.. still.. now and forever. I love you sweetheart.

Stef

North's Setting Sun - A shining star grows brighter

The Sun has set on one chapter of our lives; the final chapter of North's physical existence has been written. My beloved has released his body and is now free and wild. No more cancer, no more pain. His evolution now continues on a whole new level and the explorer that he has set out upon an entirely new exciting adventure.

He let go on Saturday, August 11th at 2:34 pm. He was at home as he wanted it, he was peaceful and comfortable and surrounded by me, Zach, Mary Mom and my mom and sis's (Kris and April). I know in my heart he felt he did all he could do and he did. He did everything right and he did it so well, and it was SO MUCH! I also know he did all he needed to do as well, all he was meant to do. He did his life and his awakening and even his death so beautifully and poetically, as only he could; with strength, tenacity, courage, gratitude, style, grace and SO MUCH LOVE. This photo is of he and I with Barbara Marx Hubbard, the teacher of conscious evolution, with the map North and his biz partner Janet and I helped Barbara create. Check out the title!! (Pics get larger when you click on them.) Thank you Barbara for your call and your words to North yesterday. I know he heard you and was comforted and inspired. And also thanks to Marianne for your call and conversation with him in the hospital before he came home. The two of you meant so very much to him, and my heart is full with your love.)
His transition was quiet and gentle and sweet. I feel he made it as easy on all of us as possible. Such was and is his way, always... loving and caring for others so deeply that all who met and knew him could feel it. What a blessings, what a man, what a miracle. God Bless you sweetheart.

And I miss him so much my intake of breath feels as difficult as his were in his last several days. Then I feel his love in me and the breath comes. How can I survive? How can I not? There are two things he gave me, things immeasurable and priceless. Marianne helped me see one it this morning on the phone. The greatest gift my husband gave to me is... me; an awareness and connection to the strength I possess; strength and soul power to move through ANYTHING with love and courage. No thing can ever take that away from me. And he gave me, along with Susan, a part of his son, Zach; who turned out to be my greatest partner and companion on this part of the journey. I find unspeakable comfort in knowing, through your words of love and promise Zach, that we will always be together, you and I. We will always have each other and my heart is full with gratitude and excitement for what is to come.

Sweet North. I love you. I feel you. I miss you. I know you are here. I know you're body is gone. I can hardly believe it. I does not feel real... and yet... your side of the bed is empty. All the medical equipment is gone. Our home quietly buzzes with close family and friends. And now it is a new day. And in this moment Baba bird (the dove) fly's to and perches on the sign you gave me for my birthday that says "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?" (Our wedding song), and as he begins to coo and sing his song we enjoyed together so much, I feel you deeper inside than ever.

And since it is our destiny to continue writing together, I trust the paragraph my heart led me to on your journal is just the thing you want to say to everyone who reads this and loves you.

So here are North's words as he describes the night of the fund-raiser with Marianne Williamson. Feel his light and love and laughter as you read it. I do.

Marianne started the evening with a prayer and then saying, “This is a heart breaking night and this is a Beautiful night, it does not get any better than this or worse than this, this is Life!” Then over the next 45 minutes she took my heart and soul and placed me before my friends to be bathed in the purity of Love, authentic expressions of encouragement and deep healing that can only come from a connection to the ONE. She took the spirit of El Duende and had us all dancing with the incomprehensible merger of Light and Shadow. She reminded me that I once said to her, “I’ll die if I don’t get real.” To that she added, “One of the ways to get real is to face death..” Then she boldly reminded us, “With our mortal minds and none of us can know what time North’s train depart and that concern is really irrelevant as eventually everyone takes a train out of here.” I realized in that moment, its really a question of what do I do with the time that I have been given. Do I worry about not doing enough or do I simply Love the life I have been given? With the Love in the room, the answer was clear, drop the old habits and greet a new day.

The new day is now and Zach and I carry the light of this man in our hearts, as so many others do as well. Shine on in us love, we are honored. We are blessed. Thank you my beloved, my twin soul, my heart light, my North Star. I will see you on a future train.
Stef

Namaste'

Help Pouring in (and how to make donations)

Help and love are pouring in. How incredible this all is... North is spending long hours these past few days at the hospital receiving hydration along with radiation to both his brain and hip/lower back area. Here are 2 e-mails about making donations and a note of clarity regarding that. I am not able to work at this point so I sure do appreciate Dr. Taub's request for help financially as well as continued prayers. We love you all so very much.

Stef

I would be more than happy to make a cash donation. Is there a "fund " where someone is in charge to whom I make the check out to or just to them specifically?

Gina

Hi All,

Thanks Gina for the question... at this point we haven't set up a trust or charity fund so please make your sweet tithe to :

Stephanie Swink

257 Avenida Madrid- Unit A

San Clemente, Ca 92672
Also, folks pls. call me for now if you want to help with the house/dog/errands...

sisKris 858-752-2846

Hi everyone,

To clarify Sis Kris’ response to Gina about where and how to donate, we do have a McKinnon Healing Fund set up at Union Bank of California. Folks have sent in donations to the bank directly and have also sent them to our home made out to the McKinnon Healing Fund OR to me (Stef Swink). Info on both ways to do that are on top of the blog site. Plus, there is a button to click on our www.northandstef.org website that cousin Dan set up ages ago. It takes credit card donations through PayPal.

Strange but wonderful to read Dr. Taub’s e-mail requesting financial support for us the very day after I realized I could not go to work today, or tomorrow and perhaps not for awhile. Bizarre and surreal to realize this and surrender all my worldly concerns for the situation at hand. Somewhat calming to know there are loved one’s “tuned in” and that, as always thus far, miracles continue to unfold and we are ok.

God Bless you all, and us too.

In deep gratitude,

Stef

Dear Friends of North and Stef

Dear Friends of North and Stef;

North's and Stef's odyssey provides a renewed sense of courage and hope for all of us who know them. The strength and courage that sustains them and the love shining through their triumphs and disappointments are epic in scope.

Their strength and faith may not be equaled in many of our lifetimes, and God only knows how long North will be with us. So in response to Stef's appeal below for some crucial "day-to-day" help, and as one of North's physicians, I'm asking their friends to help celebrate North's life in another way too (if you are able) by sending along a cash donation.

My appeal is totally unsolicited by North and Stef, and sent without asking for their approval, so I earnestly hope this appeal will not embarrass them.

Along with my donation, I'm also requesting a favor. I would like to come visit with my wife, Anneli, so she can experience the living miracle that has now come home to roost in their living room--An exquisite, pure white dove whose beauty shines forth like the love that moves the sun and other stars. Wow! You really have to see this to believe it! A nurse who I asked to consult with North last week said to me, "Doctor, this is the most profound spiritual presence I have ever encountered."

So, in conclusion, with this note, I am requesting North and Stef to forward this e-mail to everyone who receives their blogs or who is on one or another of their e-mail lists. At the very least we can all pray together for these two warm, wonderful souls.

Sincerely,

Edward A. Taub, M.D.

In a message dated 8/6/2006, stefswink@cox.net writes:

Dearest friends,

Below you will find an e-mail I sent to a group of local friends. I was strongly encouraged to put it on the blog.

E-Mail - I need help.

I know all of you want to help in some way and I so appreciate the calls and e-mails offering to assist us. I/we need it.

I took the liberty of scanning my e-mail list rather quickly and added to this list those of you who are either close by or who I know maybe don’t work full time. Please don’t feel pressured by this request e-mail.

Truth is I just don’t have the time, energy, desire or even patience to do the simplest of things other than be near North and help him walk and eat and get ready to go to his treatments. Obviously I have to do all the bookkeeping and manage the paperwork of his care and all that, but honestly, even trying to figure out what I need and asking for help and then giving any direction to the task is a challenge. Even with North’s mom here the list seems to grow longer as North gets weaker. She would very much rather not drive here and so her help is limited to helping at home, which is really great, but I think we still need help with some cleaning and laundry, etc.

Anyway, North is still determined to continue getting his treatments and gain back his strength. I want nothing more than to support him in his desires. But we are at the point where we need men (or very strong women) to take him to the hospital. North requested this today when he nearly fell getting into the car.

So… can any or some of you help me? Since Bruce is coordinating rides and some meals, perhaps someone else can help coordinate these other things.

Here is a brainstorming list of things on my mind…

Actually, I will take a list complied with the help of Leslie and my sis Kris. Here goes…

Ways to Help

Picking up prescriptions and other medicinal needs at the drug store

Grocery shopping on a somewhat regular schedule. (North prefers organic whenever possible.)

Things to help with at HOME

• Vacuum
• Trash out
• Walk Barney
• Clean kitchen, bathrooms
• Do laundry
• Sit/read/visit with North
• Change birdcage, food, water
• Good cooks, use what they have?
• North likes soups, smoothies, pasta, veggies, nothing dry
• Organic when possible, no grapefruit
• Please encourage Stef to go for a walk or take a break while you’re here.

-

Another thing I would LOVE some help with is finding someone who knows computers (MACS) to come here and help remove an area of stress and frustration for us both. I need help to reset up North’s computer (he took it all apart for my birthday slideshow), add memory to my mac and basically make our systems link (network?) work better, faster, smoother. I have had it with all these wires and would love to go wireless (have no idea what this costs).

PLUS North’s strong desire and goal for ages has been to get our new website and blog up. He worked so hard on it before the latest turn and I want SO MUCH to be able to give that to him – his goal realized, his hard work materialized and live and real and working!!!!

So does anyone know a great MAC person who can handle a PC as well (I need help transferring y data from an old PC laptop to this mac), who can just really take initiative to get us set up without it taking a lot of time and energy out of either of us? Is this even possible?

Anyway, there it all is. It is hard to do this but the severity of our situation takes way a lot of reservations for me. People are offering to help.. We need it. SO there it is.

LOVE LOVE LOVE and THANKS,

Stef

People are so incredible!

Sunday, July 29^th, 2007 (through today 8-5-07)

(NOTE - You can click on photos to see them larger. Then hit your back arrow to return to the blog entry.)

People are so incredible. I mean… God. They write deep and loving words of support. They call and e-mail, hug and pray, love and show up, cook and clean, help and give… so very much. They give of themselves, to me and to North, from a place within them that I don’t think is commonly accessed. Because it seems that only this kind of pain elicits this kind of love and compassion – in action. And maybe that is not true. Love is large and shows up in so many ways. But in times of struggle, loss, strife or suffering, stories flourish (if you know where to look or listen) of family, friends, strangers and entire communities rallying around those in need. Hearing or reading of those kinds of stories has always lifted me up and re-ignited a sense of hope in the goodness and good power of human beings. But to me, right now, (and I should heed my own advice now. I am 40 now, after all,) even with as much love as I have been blessed and privileged to know and experience in my life thus far, nothing compares to this. Nothing compares to the way those people we have touched and been touched by have expressed their feelings of love and support to us. Nothing.

But no love is brighter in my world than that shining on me by my sweet husband, my "North Star." No love feels like it could be bigger than the love my husband holds for me; except maybe mine for him. And it is a love so obvious and expressively shown and shared. Not just with me but with a crowded house full of people who love us both on my 40^th Birthday! Wow. For him to go through so much to make the party happen (with sis Kris and Craig’s and Mom’s and everyone else’s help), and most of all, to create that incredible slideshow of pictures from my life complete with music and laughter and very old and precious memories…! Wow again!! And he did all of it with his body; and now his mind; challenging him like no one except someone who has been there could ever comprehend. And did I mention his thoughtful and romantic gifts? Miraculously he found a beautiful wooden red sign with the title of our wedding song on it! "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?!" PLUS a gorgeous bunch of radiant sunflowers, AND he put the promises we made to each other in our vows into a gorgeous matted frame to match the sign! He even planned where to put it. They will be hung in our bedroom near the statue of the slow dancing couple he gave me on our first Valentine's Day as a married couple. Am I a blessed and fortunate woman or what?! (The dove couple statue in the photo is a gift from North's Mom and Brother Bruce. Our dove coo's and dances to it daily!)

Several people have responded to the latest news by saying or writing that they can’t find
words and don’t know what to say. I understand and empathize with that completely. I don’t think I would know exactly what to say to a friend or family member in my position. Because, truly, there are no words for what it is like to be my sweetheart. He finds it difficult to form sentences around his thoughts, or to even traverse the length of the house without great effort. It is also not possible to describe what it is like for me to witness this dramatic change, let alone the moment, on the evening of my 40^th birthday, when I learned from my husband that his cancer has once again skirted our efforts to stop or slow it and has now traveled to his brain.

But as I traverse this journey as a wife and caretaker of, in my opinion, one of this earth's most loving, brilliant, kind, courageous and poetic men, I am also extremely fortunate to have such a large circle of quality friends. I mean how neat is it that my dearest life-long buddy April (we have loved each other since we were 5. Yes, that would be 35 years!!) is here with me giggling like we did as kids at the numerous photos of she and sis Kris and I growing up together!?!! (Hey Miss April Ann... I think we are just as hot at 40 as we were at 17!)
Then there are my parents, Bill and Lynne - here doing the same activity that made the life-long photo slide show possible! Those were some great shots of you two as hippies. And thank you for having me by the way.












And my bro the E-Man. Thanks for co-creating my 2 beloved nephews and for being such a great mate to my sweet sistah. I love you!

So I have been shown once again that even in the inkiest blackness of life, there simultaneously shines the opposite. That somewhere there is light and lightness along with darkness and the heaviness of fear and grief. And the irony is that both have to exist to allow either of them to! Not sure why that is but it just makes sense to me that we could not fully know one without the other. I sometimes wonder if I was born to explore the extremes of both ends. And perhaps by the grace of life, it is just when it seems the darkest, that a big bright light comes along to balance things out. That was my party on Saturday. That was my huge light, or actually loads and loads of individual lights that miraculously filled our home with hugs, laughter, conversations, connections, food, FLOWERS, and so much love.

Thank you to everyone who was there physically or otherwise. Thank you for all your love and care and help and prayer. Thank you for celebrating my life with me and being there for us both on this wild ride.

I love you all,

Stef