An Invitation to Another Gathering THIS Saturday!

Dearest members of our loving community,

How to express the depth of the gratitude we feel for the truly incredible ways SO many people have stepped forward to help us? THANK YOU. Thank you All SO much. We would not be getting through this most challenging of experiences nearly as well as we are without the love, support, prayers and help that continue to come our way. One of the most amazing gifts to come from all of this is the realization of not only how loved we are, but of what a phenomenal group of people we know! WOW!

And now, we really want to see your faces again! This Saturday around 6:30 we are joyously opening our home again to anyone who wishes to join us for another circle/prayer gathering. The energy generated by the groups that led up to surgery was nothing less than profound. Everyone shared how they loved the sense of connection and inspiration they received. And both of us are convinced the love and prayers are the key ingredient to North recovering so well from his surgery. Soooo… with chemo and radiation starting next week for about a 7-week period, we would be crazy not to do it again!

When: This Saturday, April 29th – 2006 around 6:30 pm
Where: Our place– 257 Avenida Madrid, Unit A, San Clemente 92672
Please: E-Mail me if you can to let me know you are planning to come at steph@yourorganizingangels.com. This is short notice so it may be a small group or standing room only! Our home # is (949) 248-7784. My cell is (949) 230-9102.

Blessings and more blessings,
Stef

From Stef - The somewhat silent partner speaks

Strange. That is what I say these days about the sudden change in the way life looks and feels and moves. So many of you who visit the blog or receive it’s notes via e-mail, have followed the journey of North’s experience from his perspective and the updates from family and friends. Even though I have not been a big contributor to this written part of the journey, (so far) I have been here, dealing best I can with all these changes, and being inspired and touched by my North-Star and all of you.

The sense of awe and gratitude I feel for the truly incredible outpouring of love and support is beyond description. I knew people in general were good, and I’ve felt blessed to know an exceptional chunk of humanity personally, but what I didn’t know was just how extensive that “chunk” was! SO many people have shown support in so many ways, all of them profoundly meaningful. We both continue to be moved and deepened by the love we continue to receive.

Today I will touch on a few important and timely things, such as …

Where we have been, how we are now, what we are facing, who we are becoming, how you all play a part and how you can help.

Where we have been – Shocked, frightened, confused, and shaken by the diagnosis. Then surrounded by loving friends and prayed to peace, strength and conviction. Then shocked again (I was) of the incredible dramatic nature of the surgery and how unrecognizable my beloved was for many days. He still looks different but I see my North man reappearing.

How we are now – Healing, recognizing God in everything and learning how to be with physical changes. Settling in to a new pace and diet, ready to be with our friends again and preparing for the next phase of treatment.


What we are facing – Almost two months of radiation and chemotherapy and various effects of that. Dealing with the uncertainty of the unknown – physical, financial and emotional.

Who we are becoming – New and improved versions of ourselves! We are going deeper into our relationship with Life, God, each other and all of you. I am dedicated to being courageous, compassionate, open, receptive, giving and committed to recognizing the gifts in all of this as much as possible.



How you all play a part –The community that has sprung from this “tragedy” in our lives is the “pearl of great price.” Birthed out of a gritty and difficult experience called cancer; a collection of fabulous loving people have come together with the intention to give love and support. What has happened is that each one, so I have heard, has been surprisingly blessed and “healed” in return.

How you can help - We need you. It’s that simple. Your prayers and support definitely made ALL the difference before, during and after surgery. We are certain this was KEY in how quickly North was able to talk, walk and come home. And it was the glue that kept me together. To all of those who surrounded me physically and spiritually, I thank you SO much.

SHORT TERM– Keep up the prayers! Today we see the hematology oncologist (chemo Dr.) and add what we hear there to what we learned Friday about the effects of radiation. This begins soon and North’s Mom, Mary, goes home on Sunday. So to all of you who have asked for ways you can help, your time has come! North still tires pretty fast. Just the act of making a smoothie and drinking it wipes him out for a bit. But he is getting better. However, we’ve been told low energy is one of the acute side effects of treatment and while I am working he’ll need help with making meals and cleaning up, as well as getting rides to and from daily treatments.

LONG TERM – Keep up the prayers! In light of the fact that North’s new job went away with the diagnosis and he cannot work for the next several months, a core group of close friends is working on a fund-raiser. I am working as much as I can with my partner, Jenny, to build our business “Organizing Angels”, so we need lots of help with this. The timing most desired and needed for the fund-raiser to take place is towards the end of June. North’s family will be here for Zach’s high school graduation and he will be at the end of his next treatment phase. Anyone interested in or capable of supporting this event in any way, please stay tuned, as more details will follow after the core group meeting this Wednesday.
Well, we are off to the doctor’s.
Thanks for reading and for all your love and care.
Many blessings,
Stef

What EyePatch?

Happy Easter! Here I am modeling one of several decorated eyepatches that my cousin Dan got me. Please take a few minutes today and read my latest Journal entry. http://northsjournal.blogspot.com/ I am coming to terms with accepting fully all of who I am, including this situation. Its all about a matter of perception. I hope in some small way it may benefit you.

Today, Christians recognize the resurrection of Christ. Yet, there is the peculiar ritual of the Easter Hare and finding and eating the decorated Eggs. This morning I watched a mother hide eggs across the canyon for her kids. She was dressed in a lavender warm-up and was creatively finding all the best places to hide the brightly colored eggs. I took a few minutes and looked up these concepts. Easter comes from the Saxon fertility Goddess, Eostre, still worshipped in parts of Scotland. In symbol dictionaries, the Hare is associated with sacrifice. This is not a victimhood or martyrdom, but about willingly giving up something to divinity. To surrender something we are attached to. The Egg represents both the Moon (on the outside) and the Sun (the yolk on the inside). There is an ancient message in this childish game. I believe it is about giving up that which we hold most dear to our ego, and then finding the truth of who we are and ingesting that into the heart of our consciousness. As we do that, others may see us as caught in some tragic loss or in denial about how serious a problem we are ignoring. Yet, as children dance with delight at finding Easter Eggs, we can too. We can fully celebrate the new life we discover within our inner egg, As we claim the egg as our own, we can start out again whole. Seeing who we fully are, for the first time.

Happy Easter Egg Hunting!

North

Without You and Visits, I'm Up A Creek

(Click to enlarge- It is me, in the Little River in TN)

My Dear friends,

Without you I would really be up a creek without a paddle. As you can see, at one time I experienced that... not a pretty picture. Your letters, calls for visits and offers to help have not gone unheard. I simply have not had the energy to respond directly. But that is changing.

Your Letters- I am now finding enough energy to sort through my email and cards filled with prayers and well wishes. There are close to 400 emails alone from over 150 sources and that is plenty for my to catch up on. The speed of my recovery and safe emergence from surgery is directly related to these and all forms of support we have received. Please be patient as I intend to respond with a note of gratitude to all. It is the least I can do. I am so very grateful.

Your Visits- I have received several calls and emails for visits. I am so ready for company. By this weekend we hope to have posted ways how you can visit and continue to help. Just know it has to be in small doses still. My energy level can drop suddenly, and I have to zone into a healing nap.

On-going needs- My Mom has been here since I got home almost two weeks ago. She will be here through the 23rd. She has been my primary cook and on the spot support person. What a blessing she has been and continues to be. Her presence has given Stef the opportunity to catch up on her work and her own space. Stef continues to nurture me with heavenly care, but she needs balance too. Hence, we are asking for support with daily meals and other simple tasks going forward. I will continue to regain strength, but in about 2-3 weeks I start radiation and chemo and from I have been told, my energy level will likely remain unpredictable during those 6-8 weeks. So, a more formal request and description of how you can help will be posted soon. Several of you have already donated you talents and time to help. Each has freed me to continue to focus on healing and for that I am so grateful.

Again, thanks for being my friends, my light and my paddle. Your love and care have made a tremendous difference in my life.

WIth Much Love and Life,

North

North's Status Friday 4/7

Hi All,

I will start trying to leave a quick update to let you know how your prayers and thoughts are affecting me. I do feel them. Its a matter of perception. For example, its hard for me think on the scale of swimming in the National Master meet last summer as I slowly walk down the hall, today. I know that I will swim and do so much more in the future. Yet, the physical world has all the negative signals that could be interpreted as "oh ain't it awful". Well, I am here to tell you that only the degree that any of us buy into that illusion is the degree that we miss the miracles in our lives. Its not about negative thinking either. My body really does hurt and it is ok to say so. The error is in not putting effort towards the truth of potential of positive optimism. It could be so easy to slip into the difficulty of this story. But that would be no fun. Your prayers motivate me to find the positive. They are my affirmation. They are Gabriel's Horn, they are the fireworks' last spark of light. They are the the prize in the cracker jack box, the Pink Flamingo in the yard, the belly laugh of a three year old blowing a dandilion; two butterflies dancing on a summer breeze, a fluffy cloud sailing under a rainbow gate to unknown shores. Thank you so much for how you think and pray for my recovery.

I am very glad to just be here and it seems my chances of staying are improving. The pathology report showed that the removal of the eye was the right decision. The tumor had taken hold there. A few scattered cells remain, but chemo and radiation will vanquish their ability to reclaim a foothold. We are awaiting the final pathology on the eye to be totally able to say this first stage was a complete success. I know it is already.

Vitals:
I've stabilized at 160 lbs. I dropped about another 3-4 when I came home, but thanks to Mom and Leslie W. and others, I'm getting feed well. My weight before the operation was about 180 in January and 175 when we went in.

I'm able to walk about a city block with 3-4 stops to rest- so my blood pressure and pulse are on the mend

I've stopped coughing pleme as much

I'm sleeping 3-4 hours at night, getting up and sleeping another 3-4. So I am starting to balance sleep time

Still very tired during the day, But taking everything slow

Physical Appearance:
Besides the worse haircut, EVER, I am starting to look a little more normal. Considering I had 67 metal staples that held toghther an incision that wrapped from my lower left neck, along my right throat, to behind my ear, across the top of my heas and down behind the left ear, (measuring 64 inches) I am no longer wearing bandages. The swelling is dramatically less on my left side. My right side is still about 2x normal, but that is due to the flap in my right sinus/palett area; the eye flap and the neck swelling. Overall, I am getting used to feeling the lack of and same time excessive sensations on my right side. Too much swelling and the loss of the eye. Its a weird combination. But to sooth it all, my cousin Dan got me the most wonderful eyepatches. Totally stylish. I will get pictures up sometime this weekend.

Below Neck:
The greatest pain is in my right shoulder. Its a combination of laying open on that side for such a long surgery and the fact that they had to manipulate the primary nerve that runs from the neck to the shoulder. I look forward to getting with Billie D and Leigh A. to work this out. Started doing stretching and motion work this morning. Very sore now.

The stomach inceision is about 10 inches long. Its healing up well. The only issue is that my belly button is now about 2 inches to the right off center. This can be repaired. (It will reamain an inney ... no choice about a belley button face lift)

I continue to have difficulty with energy when I talk and eat. Takes a lot of effort, because I am learning to swallow all over again. But I am brushing my teeth and everyday I get a little more range of motion with my tongue and jaw.


Within:
The more I focus on just reconnecting with my body, the more I feel spirit awaken. The more I focus on pain, the more I feel pain, fear and anxiety and frustration. I realized this morning as I started stretching, that this is why so many yogi masters ascert yoga. Connecting with the body is essential for a complets path. I look forward to Yoga becoming more of my daily routine.

This is short and factual, but I just wanted to keep you up to date. I will try and draft a more inward reflection on the Journal page by tomorrow.

With Much Love and Light,

North

North on the Colorado Trail - Please Help

North, my friend, my Dark-Fish brother, I was deeply saddened to hear of your struggle, and I'm very glad that you've got such a strong support circle around you. I know you've received many words of support, love, and prayer and rather than add more words to the throng I'll just say - me too and more brother, me too and more. I'm looking forward to seeing you sometime soon at a Dark-Fish gathering and hearing of the milestones you've reached on your journey.


To North's support community: I'm hiking the Colorado Trail this summer and I intend to take North with me, at least in spirit and symbol. I've created a website hoping to generate some sponsorship support, please take a look: http://www.cotrailnorth.com

This website and my efforts to generate contributions are very much a work-in-progress and I need some help. My time is very limited right now, as I prepare to depart on the hike, along with moving out of my house, etc., so I can only devote limited time to this effort. Then, of course, when I'm on the hike I'll be completely unavailable to devote any time. I believe this website and my hike have the potential to generate some extra support for North so I'm asking folks to help me with it.

I need help with:
1) content to put on the website
2) fund-raising

Content:

- I'd like to include a bio box so that folks looking at the website get to know North a little bit. Now, I know North from only a few days spent with him at Pilgrim Pines and, although I love him like a brother, I don't know enough to write much of a bio. Will somebody please write up a brief bio and send it to me?

- I'd like to include some information about the cancer and the surgery. I've included a link to Dan's layman's description, and perhaps that's sufficient. If anybody can help me with suggested content here then that would be great.

- Any other ideas for content?

Fund-raising:

- I'd like to think that appeals to similarly interested groups might generate some support - e.g., other men's groups or outdoors groups. I'll probably try to contact some men's groups here in the Boston area and perhaps some outdoors groups here and in Colorado. However, I'm not sure if I'll have the time to do even that much, and that's going to be the limit of what I can do. Both in the time leading up to my hike, and during the time that I'm on the trail, if somebody would take it upon themselves to do the fund-raising that this kind of sponsorship opportunity provides then we might be able to generate some real help for North. Will somebody please take it upon themselves to take responsibility for contacting groups and individuals, explaining what I'm doing, and then asking for contributions and conveying contributions to North's bank account?

- I also need someone to respond to inquiries that may come from people who look at the website. There shouldn't really be much required here, except maybe to answer questions and to add people to the Snapfish list so they can get t-shirts or something, but I'm going to be totally unavailable so I need someone to whom I can forward emails so they can respond for me.

- Once I have the website ready for prime-time, within a week or two I hope, I'm going to contact my local town newspaper and try to get them interested in a human interest story. After I see how that goes, I'm thinking of contacting larger papers such as the Boston Globe and the Denver Post to see if they're also interested in a human interest story. At the very least, I'm going to have to be more knowledgable about North's story and the cancer in order to survive an interview with a reporter. Any other ideas or help here?

Will these efforts provide significant results? Don't know, but I think it's worth a try.

I will be in my house until mid-May. Then I'll be in-transit until the end of May during which time I'll be only occasionally available. Then in late May or early June I hit the trail and I'll be mostly unavailable until the end of August.

I intend to come off the trail and back to civilization twice during the hike in order to take a trip to Michigan and then a trip to the L.A. area. During those times I will probably be able to update the website with reports of my hike and add pictures taken on the hike, including pictures of me wearing the "North on the Colorado Trail" t-shirt. Assuming we can get some interest generated, these updates should help to maintain interest in the hike.

Please join me in gratitude to the generosity of artist Mary Dolman, http://www.dolman-art.ca/, who assented without hesitation to my request to use her beautiful image of Ursa Major on North's behalf.

Thanks everyone for your attention to my endeavors here, and even greater thanks for your loving support for North.

North, my prayers are with you.

Guy
978-456-7865 guymott@cotrailnorth.com

from Wil...

For North, Steph and all who are part of this community of caring and support: I’m increasingly aware of two issues/perceptions which seem relevant to a number of us. I’d like to share them.

First, North & Steph….we care, we call, we visit. I’m imagining that you might, at times, be overwhelmed and/or become quite tired and in need of more rest and space than you are getting. I wish that you DO NOT HESITATE to say: “not now”, “enough for today”, “thanks, but later; we’re too tired”, or even “go home, please.” That BOUNDARY between you and us is one we mutually dance. In case we violate it, I hope you’ll feel free to call it from your side.

Second, another BOUNDARY issue….North’s experience nudges (and perhaps pushes) us in this “community of caring and support”, to expand and clarify a tenuous and shifting BALANCE between feeling compassion, love, tenderness in offering our gifts of time, service, money, etc. and KNOWING CLEARLY who we are, and honestly perceiving our limits without guilt when we can’t do more (knowing many others are with us in offering their gifts of self), pacing
ourselves and realizing we’re in this for the long haul for North, Steph, and ourselves.

Lets keeping loving, serving, growing together as we expand and discover, (perhaps more than we’ve ever known), about the depths of community.

Thanks for your hearing. Wil Smith

Today marks a monumentous occasion - for me, my family, the entire state of Tennessee and last but not least, the acting community of the southern states! An entire blessed half cetury ago, my little brother, Bruce McKinnon, was born.

With Mom here helping Stef and I, none of us were where we would prefer to be today, celebrating with my brother and his friends in Maryville, our home town. However, we were in on the surprise gathering and had fun keeping it from him on our call this morning.
On my 50th birthday, my bro went all out and found a creative and engenious way to become the hightlight of my party here in Orange county, all the way from Maryville. He made a movie, just for me, interviewing all the Tennessee family members, having the Maryville High School band sing Happy Birthday, and last but not least, the whole scene and hilarious skit with the hedgehog, called Norman. Priceless and unforgettable and very meaningful to me.

Thank you Bruce. Zach and I had some great things planned for our retaliation, but life throws you some curves sometimes and just know things are still in the works. If we plan carefully, you won't be 51 before we are done!

I love you borother! HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY!!
Norman, Mom, Zach and Stef


THAT LIVES IN US
If you put your hands on this oar with me,
they will never harm another, and they will come to find
they hold everything you want.

If you put your hands on this oar with me, they would no longer
lift anything to your
mouth that might wound your precious land –
that sacred earth that is your body.

If you put your soul against this oar with me,
the power that made the universe will enter your sinew
from a source not outside your limbs, but from a holy realm
that lives in us.

Exuberant is existence, time a husk.
When the moment cracks open, ecstasy leaps out and devours space;
love goes mad with the blessings, like my words give.

Why lay yourself on the torturer’s rack of the past and the future?
The mind that tries to shape tomorrow beyond its capacities
will find no rest.

Be kind to yourself, dear – to our innocent follies.
Forget any sounds or touch you knew that did not help you dance.
You will come to see that all evolves us.

~ Rumi ~

Dan the Man

I wanted to take a few lines and say how much I appreciate my cousin Dan Morrison. Dan, it has already been said a few times on this blog, but I want to fully endorse the fact that you are a very bright light in my life. You came here and demonstrated what it is like and the impact any of us can have when we "let our light shine" as stated by Marianne Williamson's in her most frequenly quote.

You demonstrated your capacity for taking the most difficult information and putting it into focus for solid decisions. In the midst of the chaos of the last month, you helped me make a variety of decisions that will long impact my recovery in positive ways.

You brought your courage to face the the worse and I hear that you still were able to create a warm social evening to comfort others after long days at the hospital. Since the 1960s you have marched into many a cause that was for the right reasons- thank you so much for marching into this one- saving my life, being so out spoken about Zach's care and keeping my beloved Stef strong and capable.

Thank you for your generosity- you have given us so much, emotionally and financially, while giving up important time at work and at home. You came here on a day when both your carpet and your yard was being replaced in record down pours in Hawaii. Thank you, Vicki (Dan's wife) for taking up all the slack at home. Just as in the past, I saw you override your own immediate wishes and went racing into the middle of difficulty for others. You have pursued finding a cool way to deal with some of the uncomfortable outcomes. I'm really looking forward to my new eye patches. Thank you again.

And the biggest strength that you brought with you this time was your own humility. There are countless decisions, actions, and conversations that you offered out of complete humility. You seldom will claim your own part in the play. You have always preferred to let your efforts speak for themselves. Well, this time my friend, cousin, and my brother people are still talking. As in other places you have impacted, you made a lasting impression here, Here are a few more of my favorite images of you both ealry and more recent. In each know, I see a brave, tender and loving soul with a very bright light.

Much Love Always,
North


LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE! by Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful
beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
our prescence automatically liberates others.