People are so incredible!

Sunday, July 29^th, 2007 (through today 8-5-07)

(NOTE - You can click on photos to see them larger. Then hit your back arrow to return to the blog entry.)

People are so incredible. I mean… God. They write deep and loving words of support. They call and e-mail, hug and pray, love and show up, cook and clean, help and give… so very much. They give of themselves, to me and to North, from a place within them that I don’t think is commonly accessed. Because it seems that only this kind of pain elicits this kind of love and compassion – in action. And maybe that is not true. Love is large and shows up in so many ways. But in times of struggle, loss, strife or suffering, stories flourish (if you know where to look or listen) of family, friends, strangers and entire communities rallying around those in need. Hearing or reading of those kinds of stories has always lifted me up and re-ignited a sense of hope in the goodness and good power of human beings. But to me, right now, (and I should heed my own advice now. I am 40 now, after all,) even with as much love as I have been blessed and privileged to know and experience in my life thus far, nothing compares to this. Nothing compares to the way those people we have touched and been touched by have expressed their feelings of love and support to us. Nothing.

But no love is brighter in my world than that shining on me by my sweet husband, my "North Star." No love feels like it could be bigger than the love my husband holds for me; except maybe mine for him. And it is a love so obvious and expressively shown and shared. Not just with me but with a crowded house full of people who love us both on my 40^th Birthday! Wow. For him to go through so much to make the party happen (with sis Kris and Craig’s and Mom’s and everyone else’s help), and most of all, to create that incredible slideshow of pictures from my life complete with music and laughter and very old and precious memories…! Wow again!! And he did all of it with his body; and now his mind; challenging him like no one except someone who has been there could ever comprehend. And did I mention his thoughtful and romantic gifts? Miraculously he found a beautiful wooden red sign with the title of our wedding song on it! "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?!" PLUS a gorgeous bunch of radiant sunflowers, AND he put the promises we made to each other in our vows into a gorgeous matted frame to match the sign! He even planned where to put it. They will be hung in our bedroom near the statue of the slow dancing couple he gave me on our first Valentine's Day as a married couple. Am I a blessed and fortunate woman or what?! (The dove couple statue in the photo is a gift from North's Mom and Brother Bruce. Our dove coo's and dances to it daily!)

Several people have responded to the latest news by saying or writing that they can’t find
words and don’t know what to say. I understand and empathize with that completely. I don’t think I would know exactly what to say to a friend or family member in my position. Because, truly, there are no words for what it is like to be my sweetheart. He finds it difficult to form sentences around his thoughts, or to even traverse the length of the house without great effort. It is also not possible to describe what it is like for me to witness this dramatic change, let alone the moment, on the evening of my 40^th birthday, when I learned from my husband that his cancer has once again skirted our efforts to stop or slow it and has now traveled to his brain.

But as I traverse this journey as a wife and caretaker of, in my opinion, one of this earth's most loving, brilliant, kind, courageous and poetic men, I am also extremely fortunate to have such a large circle of quality friends. I mean how neat is it that my dearest life-long buddy April (we have loved each other since we were 5. Yes, that would be 35 years!!) is here with me giggling like we did as kids at the numerous photos of she and sis Kris and I growing up together!?!! (Hey Miss April Ann... I think we are just as hot at 40 as we were at 17!)
Then there are my parents, Bill and Lynne - here doing the same activity that made the life-long photo slide show possible! Those were some great shots of you two as hippies. And thank you for having me by the way.












And my bro the E-Man. Thanks for co-creating my 2 beloved nephews and for being such a great mate to my sweet sistah. I love you!

So I have been shown once again that even in the inkiest blackness of life, there simultaneously shines the opposite. That somewhere there is light and lightness along with darkness and the heaviness of fear and grief. And the irony is that both have to exist to allow either of them to! Not sure why that is but it just makes sense to me that we could not fully know one without the other. I sometimes wonder if I was born to explore the extremes of both ends. And perhaps by the grace of life, it is just when it seems the darkest, that a big bright light comes along to balance things out. That was my party on Saturday. That was my huge light, or actually loads and loads of individual lights that miraculously filled our home with hugs, laughter, conversations, connections, food, FLOWERS, and so much love.

Thank you to everyone who was there physically or otherwise. Thank you for all your love and care and help and prayer. Thank you for celebrating my life with me and being there for us both on this wild ride.

I love you all,

Stef