New Difficult News - I'll let my friends tell it for me/us

I just sat here for 5 minutes trying to think of what to say in the title line of this blog. I still don't like it but I need to go to bed.
I decided to let the e-mails Jenny has written tell the latest news. I can't or don't want to write and explain it all and I feel that all people who are interested and care, near or far, ought to know. Plus, she did a lovely job of sharing the info and asking for support. Thank you Jenny (and Carole for the first draft). So here goes... and thanks for your care, love, prayers and for reading, as always. Stef

On 7/25/07 9:58 PM, "Jenny LeBel" wrote:

Hi Angels,

I wanted to let you know the latest on North. He had an MRI yesterday and the results showed that the cancer is in his brain. Jeannine was with Stef tonight right after she found out and we showed up soon after. Not what you want to hear ever, but today of all days… on Stef's 40th birthday. We didn't talk of details tonight.

Milly wanted to create a special birthday gift for Stef, since she and North couldn't go out and she made the most incredible stuffed salmon that looked like a beautiful piece of art. We all got a taste and it was fabulous...then we set the table, poured the champagne, lit the candles, took a few pictures, gave them hugs, told them we loved them and left so they could spend this time together.

It was sad but beautiful to watch their love in action. Please continue your prayers and surround them and all of us in a comforting blanket of peace and strength.

I love you angels and am so grateful that we are all here to support one another through these sad and challenging times. We release the pain of it all and just give it to God.

Jenny

From: Jenny LeBel [mailto:dreamangelj@cox.net]

Sent: Thursday, July 26, 2007 9:22 PM
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Subject: North Update - Thurs. July 26th

Dear beloved friends of North & Stef,

Stef asked me to send out a prayer request for Love, Peace & Miracles. North got the results of his MRI back yesterday and the cancer has metastasized in 7 places in his brain. Not news we wanted to hear ever, especially on Stef's birthday. He begins radiation treatment on his brain and his hip tomorrow - everyday for 3 weeks. If anyone can offer transportation for this treatment or is available to help out with visits while Stef works, this would be so appreciated. You can call or email me for now and I will let Stef know. She thanks everyone for their calls and emails and apologizes that she cannot call everyone back right now. She has been in and out of dr.'s, pharmacy's, etc. all day long. I will send out updates as I receive them.

Please keep all of their family and we, their friends uplifted in prayer, angelic light and love. Zach, Susan, Steve, North's family and Stef's family are having a very difficult time with all of this as you can imagine. But we are all in this together and know that "There is no order of difficulty in miracles." Stef and North are grateful for each and every one of you and thank you for your powerful and heartfelt prayers.

Stef's 40th Birthday Party is still on for Saturday, July 28th from 3-8 pm - Open House... We need some fun and laughter and want to honor Stef on her special day. She is a true Goddess and we Goddess Babes are here for you Stef! YOU GO GIRL! I know everyone will be considerate of how North is feeling and honor his space if need be.

With love and peaceful blessings,

Jenny

(949) 338-3075

It's Been a Long Time

It has been over two months since our last posting on this blog.
It's been almost a year and a half since we learned there was cancer in North's body.
As of tomorrow, July 25th, it will be a year since North proposed to me.
That same day marks the completion of 4 decades around the sun for me. 40 years old. Wow.

Here is a favorite photo of North and Zach on Father's Day at my Dad and Linda's place. Laughter is my favorite thing to do and witness. (You can click on any picture to see it larger.)

The next photo is of Roger and Artemisia, two lovely people and musicians who came to our home in June and provided a group of us (see a few of those folks below including Mom and Jeannine and Barnie too) with incredible music from the heart.

Since my last writing many things have been going on, some of it wonderous and delightful. Some of it full of heartache and unanswerable questions, like "Why?"

And in that time, when the energy and focus has been available for North, he has been creating an amazing new blog and website to replace and expand on this one. The long held desire to have our journey serve and benefit others on a larger scale is slowly coming to fruition. Hopefully the next note you see will come to you in that new format and I know you will all enjoy North's creativity and vision, as I do.

Many people have been e-mailing me and inquiring about North's physical condition. I want to apologize to those who have been checking the blog for updates only to find nothing new has been written since May.

The last scans in June showed that the cancer had found its way around the chemo and was growing again. Not news we wanted to hear obviously. And that explained all the pain North was experiencing. So the chemo was stopped and a radioactive injection was given to him in the hopes it would push back the increasing pain in his bones. Well, it may have worked somewhat but the pain is still present and it has been more intense and lasted longer than any time before. It is very hard to say the least. But a new type of oral chemo, Sutant, which was denied by the insurance company twice, has FINALLY been approved by the drug company. If only it would actually arrive here so he could start on it!! Maybe today. We are praying and hoping beyond hope that this new drug performs more miracles of healing and allows my sweetheart to experience some relief from the constant discomfort.

So, as it has been since this whole journey started, the love, support and caring of so many incredible family members and friends is what holds us up and keeps us going.

Five of nine incredible Goddess Babe Girlfriends (Sheila, Leigh, Jeannine, Me and Jenny) just had a fabulous weekend in Sheila's cabin in Idyllwild. We celebrated Jenny's Birthday (the 22nd) and were filled up with friendship and a night of belly laughs we won't soon forget. Thank you Goddess Babe's! Did I ever need that! And Happy Birthday to Carole too (yesterday the 23rd)!

And with all the blessings I have in this life, the most cherished gift it has given me is the love between my beloved and I. A love that prevails even in the darkest of times, when conversation and connection is drastically limited by pain and pain medicine fog. My heart aches but it also sings for the dark and light of life and the risks of love worth taking. I pray for peace in my own heart as I turn another year older and for peace to prevail in our home and in this world.

May a light of gratitude be turned on in your hearts today, for the tiny things that bring you joy, for the health of your body and those you love. And for the opportunity to travel together on this incredible planet at this amazing time. Thank you for reading and sharing our journey with us.

God Bless Us All.
Stef McKinnon