It's Been a Long Time

It has been over two months since our last posting on this blog.
It's been almost a year and a half since we learned there was cancer in North's body.
As of tomorrow, July 25th, it will be a year since North proposed to me.
That same day marks the completion of 4 decades around the sun for me. 40 years old. Wow.

Here is a favorite photo of North and Zach on Father's Day at my Dad and Linda's place. Laughter is my favorite thing to do and witness. (You can click on any picture to see it larger.)

The next photo is of Roger and Artemisia, two lovely people and musicians who came to our home in June and provided a group of us (see a few of those folks below including Mom and Jeannine and Barnie too) with incredible music from the heart.

Since my last writing many things have been going on, some of it wonderous and delightful. Some of it full of heartache and unanswerable questions, like "Why?"

And in that time, when the energy and focus has been available for North, he has been creating an amazing new blog and website to replace and expand on this one. The long held desire to have our journey serve and benefit others on a larger scale is slowly coming to fruition. Hopefully the next note you see will come to you in that new format and I know you will all enjoy North's creativity and vision, as I do.

Many people have been e-mailing me and inquiring about North's physical condition. I want to apologize to those who have been checking the blog for updates only to find nothing new has been written since May.

The last scans in June showed that the cancer had found its way around the chemo and was growing again. Not news we wanted to hear obviously. And that explained all the pain North was experiencing. So the chemo was stopped and a radioactive injection was given to him in the hopes it would push back the increasing pain in his bones. Well, it may have worked somewhat but the pain is still present and it has been more intense and lasted longer than any time before. It is very hard to say the least. But a new type of oral chemo, Sutant, which was denied by the insurance company twice, has FINALLY been approved by the drug company. If only it would actually arrive here so he could start on it!! Maybe today. We are praying and hoping beyond hope that this new drug performs more miracles of healing and allows my sweetheart to experience some relief from the constant discomfort.

So, as it has been since this whole journey started, the love, support and caring of so many incredible family members and friends is what holds us up and keeps us going.

Five of nine incredible Goddess Babe Girlfriends (Sheila, Leigh, Jeannine, Me and Jenny) just had a fabulous weekend in Sheila's cabin in Idyllwild. We celebrated Jenny's Birthday (the 22nd) and were filled up with friendship and a night of belly laughs we won't soon forget. Thank you Goddess Babe's! Did I ever need that! And Happy Birthday to Carole too (yesterday the 23rd)!

And with all the blessings I have in this life, the most cherished gift it has given me is the love between my beloved and I. A love that prevails even in the darkest of times, when conversation and connection is drastically limited by pain and pain medicine fog. My heart aches but it also sings for the dark and light of life and the risks of love worth taking. I pray for peace in my own heart as I turn another year older and for peace to prevail in our home and in this world.

May a light of gratitude be turned on in your hearts today, for the tiny things that bring you joy, for the health of your body and those you love. And for the opportunity to travel together on this incredible planet at this amazing time. Thank you for reading and sharing our journey with us.

God Bless Us All.
Stef McKinnon