Sweetness, Strife, Poetry, Prayer and Hair!

Hello Loves!

Well, it’s a gorgeous and chilly Friday afternoon and I just shaved North’s head down on the front lawn. Ahh.. the whistle blows on the tea kettle - back in a moment...

So, as per usual, my lovey has a phenomenal attitude about the loss of his hair. He says it’s a sure sign the chemo is doing what it is supposed to and that if the chemicals stopped his hair follicles from growing, then it means the cancer cells are not growing either! What a guy he is. His only complaint, "Oooh, now my head is cold!" (Sorry about no current picture. We tried but my digital camara has died - bummer.) He also fussed over me and my reaction to his hairless head. I've decided to see the bright side about this, as he is. I always thought there was something appealing about Kojak besides his big white bird. (Do you all remember him? Bald Telly Sevalis from the 70's TV show? Damn - am I really almost 40!!??!!) Anyway, in my eyes this man is beautiful bald, one eyed, or otherwise, and he thinks highly of me also! This is a good thing.

North has been feeling really good these past two weeks. Once he got over the initial after-chemo slump, his pain has declined almost to nothing and his energy and sense of well-being are better than in a long time. What a joy it has been. Hope and appreciation for this time is strong. Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes!

The only yin to that yang is the stress he's been under due to the confusion and fear surrounding the fact that, even though we have been paying a lot each month to have TWO insurance policies for him, they are in disagreement about which one is primary and therefore responsible to pay for several previous months in question. Can you believe it?! Health care - Uggg! This issue affects so many and needs LOTS of prayer - and miracles!! So.... needless to say, he has been absorbed in trying to understand and make it right. We prayed and he connected with some kind and helpful people, so it looks like it will turn out Ok eventually. Honestly, I kind of lost it with all of this. My anger was hot and is still simmering. After all, the last thing he should have to be dealing with is all of this mess! But, at least his office was in such good order that finding what he needed was a cinch and again, this is a good thing.

ANYWAY... on a final note, a few weeks ago some of my fabulous Goddess Girlfriends and I (including my sweet sis Kris) went to Sheila's cabin in Idyllwild. It was a magical time as always. On the final morning I felt moved to share a poem I'd written after a much needed meditation one day. Reading it aloud really cracked open the hearts in our circle of friends and through the tears about the hard parts in all of this, we found such comfort and peace in each other. I am so grateful for the safe space to just let it all out, and for my magnificent girlfriends. Thank you Goddess’s and thank you God-dess! After several requests to share the poem on the blog, here it is. It just flowed out after a time spent is blessed silence. It is a miracle really... the phenomenal after-effects of sitting still and breathing. Thank you Dr. Larry Snyder, for the reminder last time we met. Knowing you fills me with hope for all of us.

2-16-07
A simple space
A resting place
in soft illumined light

A beacon home
when I roam
it lights my path at night

Silent, soft and still as breath
the quiet of my soul

This resting place, rejuvenates
when my journey takes its toll

To stop and BE to just let go
To cry and sigh in rash relief

To close my eyes and loose the ties
To crumble back to just one piece

Mystery, majesty, magic at the door
Tragedy, travesty, shake me to the core

But here I find peace of mind
in silence all alone

A simple space
A resting place
In silence I am home

Namaste' loved ones,
Stef McKinnon